Sunday, August 26, 2012

I Went To a Fight When a Canasta Game Broke Out

The ladies sit playing canasta.  The fiddler gestures towards them, and gives me a quizzical  look.  

"Yes, you are right.  They are from the other side of the family.  If the roof can slide from one country to another, who am I to say which side of the family can be here?"

The fiddler thinks for a moment and plays "Which Side Are You On?"

"We've gone over this.  My Grandma S was Sarah's neighbor.  Sarah was having a family picnic, and invited her neighbors over.  My Grandma M took one look at Grandma S's daughter  and decided she ought to meet her son.You know the rest."

A smile plays on the fiddler's lips as he considers how my mom and dad were set up on a blind date. Perhaps it is my overactive
imagination but I could swear the fiddler has morphed from a bearded, tuniced Nineteenth Century peasant into an urbane
Jack Benny playing "Love in Bloom."   So sweetly rendered  I cannot help but murmur, "Thank you, Mr. Benny."

"Would you like some ice cream," Cousin Anna asks me as if I were nine once again.

"Thank you, Anna," the grown up me responds. "But unless you have a special way to keep ice cream cold, I think I''ll pass."

Anna looks around.  "Oh, I forgot.  This is not our apartment on Jeffrey Boulevard."

"Uh, Anna, how did you all manage to lug a card table and four chairs up here?"

Anna smiles sweetly.  "I just go along with what my sister Mary and your grandma want."

"I get that, Anna, but you all came a long way."

The old woman peers at me from over her glasses. "We do have an advantage," she explains.  "When we fly, we don't have to check baggage."

The fiddler shakes his head.  A pushcart.  A card table.  What next? He decides better to have four women playing canasta than that pesky Uncle Toby under foot.  Speaking of which, he wonders where the old blowhard has gone off to.

The women gossip among themselves while Uncle Toby sits at his laptop and consults various websites. Before he can examine the map more closely, he is  interrupted by a commotion. My Grandma M rails loudly in Yiddish that her cousin a cheat.  Cousin Mary denies it.  Toby loudly clears his throat.  The women look over at him, and resume their argument.  Toby unplugs his laptop and moves to another part of the roof.  The  women pay him no mind.

Uncle Toby likes how he can zoom in and zoom out on this map.  Beats paper that way. What he likes about paper, though, is that things like rivers stay in one place.    The fiddler wanders over to where Toby is seated. Uncle Toby points to the river on the map.Then he motions to the north side of the house.  The fiddler wanders to the north edge of the roof and looks down.  Sure enough the river is to the north.  Perhaps, Uncle Toby reasons, the canasta players have caused the house to rotate. The fiddler makes
a spinning gesture.  Hard to imagine that four women  could have caused the house to spin 180 degrees, but Uncle Toby can find  no explanation as to why the river was south of the house just the day before.  

Uncle Toby once again consults the maps.  He unfolds the paper maps, inadvertently causing the paper to rustle. The canasta players shush him.  He shushes them back.

Sliding borders. Rotating roofs.  The fiddler looks over at me and raises an eyebrow.

"This is all your doing," I say to him.

 His face breaks into a wide grin.  He knows I have found him out.

"You do this for your own amusement."

He smiles more broadly and then slyly puts his finger to his lips.

"I am not yet sure how you do it," I say, playfully shaking a finger at him.  "But don't worry.  Your  secret is
safe with me."

The fiddler pulls out a pouch from his tunic.  He carefully opens it up.

I peer inside.  I dip a finger in and bring some of the powder to my lips.  "Capital, old man," I say in my best
Gomez Addams voice.  "Best pixie dust I've ever seen.Or tasted, either, for that matter."

He nods and quickly puts the stash out of sight.

"Keeping me off balance.  Never mind.  I love a good challenge."

"Uncle Toby will not be pleased, but I will not spoil your fun."

The fiddler plays "Spinning Wheel."

'"What goes up, must come down," I belt out, "Spinnin' wheel, got ta go round."

The ladies are folding up their table and chairs.

"Finished so soon?  I hope you come back again.  Especially you, Grandma."

Grandma M fixes me an icy stare.  I involuntarily avert my gaze. After all of these years, the old lady
still gives me the willies.

The old ladies fade.  I curse myself for looking away.  Next time, I tell myself, I am going to
finally get some answers. Who knows, I think to myself, maybe I'll even learn how to play canasta.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

You Say Poland. I Say Russia. Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

The brothers stand in the middle of the roof and  argue amongst themselves.  "Poland," one exclaims.  "Russia," one insists.  "Poland and Russia," a third one proclaims. "One or the other," states a fourth.  "I'm the eldest.  If I say it's Russia, then it's Russia!" The fiddler shakes his head and fiddles.  Uncle Toby views them all with disdain.  "Foreigners," he  thinks to himself, forgetting that he himself is the foreigner.   Toby wonders if  the brothers no longer lived there, did the house still belong to them?  Did they sell the house first or did they just abandon it, as, one by one they headed to America?   Uncle Toby smiles smugly.  Since they were long gone ghosts,  maybe he could claim ownership.  The fiddler, as if reading his mind,  fiddles furiously as if disabusing him of all schemes. Deep down he  knows the fiddler is right, but he doesn't want the fiddler to know that.

The fiddler motions me over.  With his bow, he gestures towards Uncle Toby.  "Yes, I know, fiddler.  Don't worry.  He will not make away with the house while I'm around."  The fiddler plays a few bars of Rue Britannia.

"Actually, fiddler, I believe Uncle Toby  is Irish, so I doubt he wants to acquire empire in the name of the queen."   The fiddler places fiddle and bow over one shoulder and mimics a soldier's drill exercise...

 I nod. "Yeah, I know.  Once a soldier always a soldier.  But I don't think Uncle Toby is the least bit mercenary.  I think he wants to help me solve my mysteries.  I invited him up on the roof to begin with,

 The fiddler plays an old love song about regrets.  In response I belt out "Regrets, I've had a few..."  The fiddler covers his ears.

 I relent. "I appreciate you looking out for me, fiddler, but I think Uncle Toby could be an asset to me."  He looks at me quizzically. "On finding out the facts about my family."

Fiddler looks skeptical

"Because he's not not family, he can be objective," I explain.

The fiddler shrugs and walks away.  What a dear man.  Too much of a romantic for his own good, I muse.  Will Uncle Toby be of help?  Maybe his map reading skills will  give me a way to navigate my family history. I shrug. At the very least I will learn some history and some geography.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

A Pushcart on the Roof

The old man rolls his pushcart on the roof.

I am aghast.  "Grandpa.  Really?  A pushcart on the roof?"

The old man ignores me..  "Banana!  Banana!  Banana!"

I wonder if that is the vestiges of an long dead and buried knock knock joke, when I realize he really is selling bananas.

"Grandpa," I explain patiently.   "There's only four of us up here.  How many bananas can we eat?"

He shrugs and goes up to Uncle Toby.  "OK.  No bananas.  Could I interest you maybe in a fedora?"

Uncle Toby, ever the proper military man, brushes him off.

"Apologies, Grandpa..  You have to forgive Uncle Toby.  He's an Englishman in a strange country." Maybe
even two strange countries, I think to myself.  "Got anything in a military dress hat?"

Grandpa folds a piece of paper into a sailor's hat, and offers it to Uncle Toby who shreds it to ribbons and scatters the remnants over the side of the roof.

"Uncle Toby," I stammer angrily..  "That is littering!  Good thing there is not a police man near by to write a

Insulted, Grandpa shambles away cart and all to another part of the roof.  The fiddler plays something mournful.  I sigh and call after Grandpa, "Please come back.  It's been many years, and I have so many questions."

"I will, Debele, when, this man apologizes," Grandpa says as he points an accusatory and gnarled finger at Uncle Toby,

I look over at Uncle Toby.  He looks recalcitrant.  I can tell this rooftop diplomacy is going to take a while.

Thankfully the fiddler is good for something other than klezmer music.  He knows military marches as well.
Given he is but one violinist, his rendition of Stars and Stripes Forever was particularly stirring.  Uncle Toby
is favorably impressed.

A short while later Grandpa is telling Uncle Toby about his millinery victories.  Uncle Toby listens with
rapt attention while occasionally consulting his maps which seem to change terrain to suit the story..  They
toast their armistice with the contents from a brandy bottle.

Grandpa snores softly.  I pull a light blanket over him to keep off the chill air.  The questions can wait until

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Uncle Toby Meets Fiddler on the Roof

Note:  I originally wrote this August 4, 2009.  Edit July 30, 2012.

Just where did it all begin? Uncle Toby will show you, if we can ever convince him to climb to the rooftop and unroll his maps. The fiddler won't fiddle anywhere else. Uncle Toby is worried about the wind. We, the fiddler and I, are more concerned about shifting borders. The obstinate fiddler insists the roof is located in Lithuania. Me, I am not so sure. I am open to the possibility of it being in Belarus. The roof, that is.There is
a saying:  So goes the roof, so goes the rest of the house.. Borders are about as reliable as grains of sand blowing about on the beach. And that is where Uncle Toby comes in. If he studies his maps, perhaps he can settle the matter once and for all. That is, until someone picks the border up again in the middle of the night, the sneak.

So, c'mon, Uncle Toby. The fiddler and I are anxiously awaiting your rooftop consultation. You did so well at establishing the location of your war wound, it stands to reason that you will once again excel in this endeavor. Please do not be a fraidy cat. I've got your back, old timer. Up with you now. There's not much breeze, and the ladder is a very steady one. Ah, much better, Uncle Toby. If you can help put this matter to rest, I will be forever in your debt.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Miss Shuganah's Mutterings

Welcome to Miss Shuganah's Mutterings. Writing is largely experimental with some news commentary thrown in for good measure. Language and emotions may be raw. Miss Shuganah lives in a very, very, very large cardboard box. A humongous beach umbrella protects me from the elements.

The cardboard box is duly equipped with seatbelts. Might be a bumpy ride.