Sunday, August 26, 2012

I Went To a Fight When a Canasta Game Broke Out

The ladies sit playing canasta.  The fiddler gestures towards them, and gives me a quizzical  look.  

"Yes, you are right.  They are from the other side of the family.  If the roof can slide from one country to another, who am I to say which side of the family can be here?"

The fiddler thinks for a moment and plays "Which Side Are You On?"

"We've gone over this.  My Grandma S was Sarah's neighbor.  Sarah was having a family picnic, and invited her neighbors over.  My Grandma M took one look at Grandma S's daughter  and decided she ought to meet her son.You know the rest."

A smile plays on the fiddler's lips as he considers how my mom and dad were set up on a blind date. Perhaps it is my overactive
imagination but I could swear the fiddler has morphed from a bearded, tuniced Nineteenth Century peasant into an urbane
Jack Benny playing "Love in Bloom."   So sweetly rendered  I cannot help but murmur, "Thank you, Mr. Benny."

"Would you like some ice cream," Cousin Anna asks me as if I were nine once again.

"Thank you, Anna," the grown up me responds. "But unless you have a special way to keep ice cream cold, I think I''ll pass."

Anna looks around.  "Oh, I forgot.  This is not our apartment on Jeffrey Boulevard."

"Uh, Anna, how did you all manage to lug a card table and four chairs up here?"

Anna smiles sweetly.  "I just go along with what my sister Mary and your grandma want."

"I get that, Anna, but you all came a long way."

The old woman peers at me from over her glasses. "We do have an advantage," she explains.  "When we fly, we don't have to check baggage."

The fiddler shakes his head.  A pushcart.  A card table.  What next? He decides better to have four women playing canasta than that pesky Uncle Toby under foot.  Speaking of which, he wonders where the old blowhard has gone off to.

The women gossip among themselves while Uncle Toby sits at his laptop and consults various websites. Before he can examine the map more closely, he is  interrupted by a commotion. My Grandma M rails loudly in Yiddish that her cousin a cheat.  Cousin Mary denies it.  Toby loudly clears his throat.  The women look over at him, and resume their argument.  Toby unplugs his laptop and moves to another part of the roof.  The  women pay him no mind.

Uncle Toby likes how he can zoom in and zoom out on this map.  Beats paper that way. What he likes about paper, though, is that things like rivers stay in one place.    The fiddler wanders over to where Toby is seated. Uncle Toby points to the river on the map.Then he motions to the north side of the house.  The fiddler wanders to the north edge of the roof and looks down.  Sure enough the river is to the north.  Perhaps, Uncle Toby reasons, the canasta players have caused the house to rotate. The fiddler makes
a spinning gesture.  Hard to imagine that four women  could have caused the house to spin 180 degrees, but Uncle Toby can find  no explanation as to why the river was south of the house just the day before.  

Uncle Toby once again consults the maps.  He unfolds the paper maps, inadvertently causing the paper to rustle. The canasta players shush him.  He shushes them back.

Sliding borders. Rotating roofs.  The fiddler looks over at me and raises an eyebrow.

"This is all your doing," I say to him.

 His face breaks into a wide grin.  He knows I have found him out.

"You do this for your own amusement."

He smiles more broadly and then slyly puts his finger to his lips.

"I am not yet sure how you do it," I say, playfully shaking a finger at him.  "But don't worry.  Your  secret is
safe with me."

The fiddler pulls out a pouch from his tunic.  He carefully opens it up.

I peer inside.  I dip a finger in and bring some of the powder to my lips.  "Capital, old man," I say in my best
Gomez Addams voice.  "Best pixie dust I've ever seen.Or tasted, either, for that matter."

He nods and quickly puts the stash out of sight.

"Keeping me off balance.  Never mind.  I love a good challenge."

"Uncle Toby will not be pleased, but I will not spoil your fun."

The fiddler plays "Spinning Wheel."

'"What goes up, must come down," I belt out, "Spinnin' wheel, got ta go round."

The ladies are folding up their table and chairs.

"Finished so soon?  I hope you come back again.  Especially you, Grandma."

Grandma M fixes me an icy stare.  I involuntarily avert my gaze. After all of these years, the old lady
still gives me the willies.

The old ladies fade.  I curse myself for looking away.  Next time, I tell myself, I am going to
finally get some answers. Who knows, I think to myself, maybe I'll even learn how to play canasta.


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